jintropin

Sex Positive – Communication for Kinky Play

November 10th, 2018

Hello there Kinky readers. A big topic in the kink-poly-bdsm-fetish world is consent. Clear and consensual consent between two legally and willfully consenting adults. 

One piece of that pie can be worked out through sex positive communication with your play partner/s. Keeping in mind not all bdsm and/or kink involves sex. However, a good conversation on what constitutes sex should always be understood between both partners. 

Talking About Sex

How do you talk about sex? How do you talk about passions and needs. Secret desires and those hidden little things that might make you feel shame to explain to others? 

First, it’s best to find out how open your partner is to the idea of kink and bdsm in general. All it takes is your own willingness to open up and be honest with another curious individual. Please note: just because a person has replied to your “What’s up!” does not constitute agreement to bring up personal matters such as sex and kinky exploration. No matter what their, or your, profile has on it. Unless there is explicit permission by the other party; chances are, you aren’t getting anywhere being vulgar and forward.

If and when it seems right to bring up the matter either by invitation or by implied social queues; the first step is to be very honest and have an open book dialogue with your partner. Meaning, don’t leave out the naughty bits. Remember, you will never get what you want or need if you don’t speak up and if you don’t ask about it and don’t attempt to learn about it. A good life rule, actually. 

There are almost as many different kinds of kinks, wants, don’t wants, passions and play possibilities as there are humans. This is because each us has our own unique views, needs, and emotional connection (or lack thereof) profiles. And we each need and want them in different ways.

Sex. Adult play. BDSM. Fetish in general. Are not going to be the same for everyone. Even if there are social norm definitions for someone who calls themselves a baby girl or a bear or a dominant or gay, poly, pan-sexual, or etc. on and on. 

In that same thought sphere though you have to realize there are people of varying opinions on the aspect of each of or any and all sexually open or sexually different activities. You can, and most likely will at some point be shot down. And it can be brutal. I have two thoughts on this subject:

  • One. remember this is a reflection of the person on themselves and not on to you. Take only your 50%. Less, much less, for assholes.
  • Second. On the flip side of rejection. Finding a person or people who match you and fulfill beautiful facets in your life is a big side effect of open communication. 

Bringing Up The Embarrassing Stuff

Let me start with some heavy truth. If you try and there is a brutal fail in your communication with your partner. Rejection. You are in the wrong relationship. Really.

I want to back up one step and say you should try. Even multiple times with your partner. Especially if they are something special to you. However, a strong evaluation of your own needs in connection with continuing the relationship should be done through a thorough and serious introspection. If you have needs that drive you, or needs that will lay unmet through an entire relationship, chances are you won’t be happy. – That being said, watch for the warning signs of “loving like a child”. Refrain from picking apart your relationship. 

The easiest way to go about summing up the courage to talk to your partner about sexy fantasies is keeping exactly in mind what I’ve been trying to communicate throughout this article:

Know that you are a unique individual. You deserve basic equal human respect and dignity. Sexual happiness comes with learning, knowing, and being true and honest to yourself. First. Coming to terms and being comfortable with your individuality in the case of fetish needs is a big step.

Finding Comfort and Happiness Within Yourself

How do you do that? What exactly is a fetish? What is Kink? What is considered kinky? What is BDSM?

It’s quite simple to answer these questions.

Study, read. Find articles, blogs, friends and social groups online and locally. Everyone knows how to use a search engine. Find out for yourself that there are others with similar interests. 

Explore your own interests, either in writing, by yourself, or with another consenting partner (assuming it’s allowed within any existing relationships). The idea here is to get to know yourself so that you can answer questions for your partner and to be more comfortable within yourself. 


And that is the start of my opinions for this subject. If you have any thoughts or questions, comment below or send me a message. I hope to write a sequel/addition soon. @Virile

What are your thoughts on sex positive communication in relationships? Comment below. 

Keep it kinky peeps. 

Keeping It Sexy – Confetti Gun Kink -> @Augustine
Tags: , , , ,

2 Responses to “Sex Positive – Communication for Kinky Play”

  1. Solace Says:

    The website is sarcasm. However, speaking of communication, in kinky or sexual relationships or not, this is pretty damn spot on. However, I would like to have a bit of clarification on what you mean by “loving like a child”.

    Love has many facets, and in other languages there are many different words for love that refer to particular types of love and relationship dynamics.

    I love my friends, but I don’t sleep with them or have sex with them, some of them I love like family, and again, not being incestuous, I don’t sleep with people I consider family either.

    I have unconditional love, which precludes liking someone or even respecting them.

    When you speak of loving like a child, do you mean loving someone like a parent? Or perhaps selfishly?

    Not that it is the central point of your blog post…as consent, and clarity of communication are important in any interaction you have, if you ask the newspaper guy for a paper, and he hands you a penny saver, and you wanted a Weekly…there is confusion. No less so, when I ask someone to clean up the house, and they stuff their socks and dirty clothes under the bed, and everything else under the couch, and stack dirty dishes in the sink and call it cleaned. Anyone that knows me…or has lived with me, knows damn well that is not my definition of clean.

    I suppose that aside from my question about loving like a child, the other point I would make here is that defining terms you may assume everyone knows, is important, people often have their own perceptions of what something means.

    I appreciate you discussing what is defined as sex for you as a thing to be very clear about, after all those old enough to recall President Clinton, saying he didn’t have sex with that woman…might have been a bit confused that oral sex wasn’t defined as sex in his situation, I do believe that was because it would be “convenient” to do so under the circumstances. But being clear about what sex is for people engaging in play or BDSM or simply discussing the possibility of having sex is important. Also, what constitutes “cheating” differs for people as well, and for many sex may have nothing to do with “cheating”. Which involves a breach of trust involving another person in some fashion to be defined and agreed upon by those involved in some formal relationship.

    Thanks for the blog post, keep up the good work!

    Blessings, Solace

  2. Virile Says:

    @Solice –

    “loving like a child”, my basic understanding of this phrase is brought about by this article:
    https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/marcia-sirota/childhood-love-life_b_2353281.html
    – Which I summed up to “forever seeking”.

    Which, ironically (?), there is a matching one with a similar title. I didn’t read this one but I think it’s summed up “loving like a child” meaning “to be vulnerable”:
    https://www.huffingtonpost.com/allison-berkowitz/how-to-love_b_2537774.html

    I don’t recommend the former but agree vulnerability is something to invite in; though difficult for so many reasons for some people, vulnerability is exactly what will help to open up the stage for communication.

    Indeed. The definition of what constitutes sex or a sexual situation, etc. has as many options, opinions, facets, and (in the case of one of the formers) convenient definitions, as there are personalities and fetishes. Thanks for the chuckle.

    ~ Virile

Leave a Reply

Filled Under: Relationship
Sponsor, Ads
Fuuct.com - Adult Novelties, Kink Toys and BDSM Gear
TOPMELON Women's Push up Bustier Sexy Corset Lingerie Girdle Lace Printing Waist Cincher with Garter Belt
Aranmei Lingerie for Women Teddy One Piece Lace Babydoll Bodysuit, Black, Small
iDexire.com - Adult social, BDSM culture, a kinky world.