have you given your partner the right tools

November 27th, 2018

Some of us. I don’t want to say everyone. But some of us at some point have been, or are currently in a place where our kinks, behaviors and needs and passions feel as though they are outweighing our rationality. Sometimes feeling these things with and about loved ones. Sometimes we feel these things alone. Sometimes we give and take these feelings and seek for them in hungry ways. Some healthy, some unhealthy.

That paragraph is a little deep for the conversation I actually wanted to bring about. I think maybe it helps though, getting a grasp of where some people are when they come seeking answers on what to do in their relationship when kink, fetish, and/or bdsm is a question.

First. No-one has the answers. Do seek them. Do ask yourself questions. But know, ‘yours’ are your own and can only be appropriately answered by you.

Second. This article assumes sound mind. If you believe you aren’t of sound mind. Consider getting to a square place before making large explorations on deviated paths in your relationships. This article assumes you have already done the hard part. And brought up kink subjects with your partner.

Some things to consider in regards to tools and giving them to your partner.

  • Do you know what your kinks are? If not. If you’ve only an idea of what you seek. Then seek to find answers. Look for blogs. Pick up books. Explore your own writings. Find people. Get a feel for you.
  • Learn some on love and love languages. There are many books on this subject and a good base to start communication and understanding of yourself and your partner. Knowledge in human nature in regards to love, in general is helpful in many kinds of relationships and communicating needs both directions.
  • Have you found pictures and/or writings that tickle at those naughty strings? Show them to your partner. Consider exploring your response to the picture or writing. Consider exploring your response in regards to your partner. Consider speaking or writing that response and entrusting it with your partner.
  • Are you open with your partner? Are you giving them the things of yourself that you need them to respond to. This is an important one. A person cannot work with what they aren’t given. “I need you to be real with me.” After a particularly purposeful attempt at angering your partner. This does not invite them to respond with a spanking nor does it tell them you might want them to respond with anger. “You don’t pay attention to me.” does not tell them that you want them to absorb your mind. “I’m bored” does not tell them you want your ass tanned or your body raked through the mud or fucked to oblivion with all the kitchen tools.

Whew, I need to slow down after that bullet.

I don’t know that this is a full thought yet. But. I’m also not writing a book. I’m sure more will come.


One Response to “have you given your partner the right tools”

  1. Solace Says:

    Lol, gotta love the kitchen scenes…once you have a fair understanding between those involved, spontaneity can and does sometimes make it even more fun. One really does have to keep communication open, when someone starts chasing you around the kitchen with a spatula and then they grab a knife…and you aren’t in the right head space, don’t be afraid to say “red” or some other mutually defined signal to stop, halt, time to talk…and then either resume with an adjusted play scheme, or do something entirely different, like push that person down over the table and fuck the living crap out of them, till they are drooling…and then, summarily hand them a dishtowel and tell them to clean it all up.

    Nice post…keep up the good work Virile.

    Blessings, Solace

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